No don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal to find cray fish in your swimming pool. Over in Villamarchante we get ‘em all the time. That and snakes. And what? Tarantulas? ‘Ave you got tarantulas? ‘Ow big? Oh them’s little. They won’t hurt. Maybe give you a bit of an ‘eadache but tha’s all. Now do you have a bucket, or a big saucepan. Might invite myself for supper tonight. Oh okay. I couldn’t give up meat meself, but I know of an aunt who was vegaetarian. Ended up in a loony bin in Bishops Worton in the 1950s. We don’t talk about ‘er much. ‘Ows your Spanish gettin’ on? Oh right. Quite good then. Was you ‘ere before, then. Oh right, well I guess you’ve got time to study. Me? Five years now. But it don’t take much to figure out ‘ow to speak ‘ere. I mean there’s “agua”, and “hola”, and “gracias”, and “por favor”, and “buenos dias”, and that just about gets you through. Not that I know all the time what they all mean but it seems to work on the whole. My son, actualy done better than the rest of us in ‘is Spanish, which is odd, because ‘es dyslexic. But the way I figured it, it might ‘ave been ‘is dyslexia that ‘elped. Cos ‘ere you say things backwards. You don’t say “I’m goin’ to the pub. You say To the pub I’m going” Backwards see? And so he’s doin’ better ere than he would have been probably in Bristol. What? Send a Spanish dyslexic to England? I ‘adn’t thought of that.

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